Do You Need Sex Therapy? 7 Signs It Could Help
Sex therapy is a specialized type of psychotherapy that focuses on any concerns related to your sexual functioning. Whether you are experiencing difficulties with sex or want to increase and expand your capacity for pleasure, sex therapy is a safe and confidential space to explore these issues, individually or with a partner.
Sex is displayed often through ads, tv shows, movies, music videos, and more! Despite sex appearing to be such an open and available topic, many people experience challenges with sex at some point in their lives. (I actually think unrealistic and sometimes downright physically and scientifically inaccurate media depictions of sex is part of the problem!). With constant explicit and implicit messaging about sex everywhere around us, it can be difficult to know if professional help is needed. Here are seven signs that sex therapy could be beneficial for you:
1. You're Experiencing a Persistent Physical Problem (i.e., Sexual Dysfunction)
This is one of the most common reasons people seek sex therapy. Sexual dysfunction can manifest in various ways, including:
Changes in Desire or Arousal: Also sometimes called, low libido. This might be how you’ve always felt (which is not inherently wrong or dysfunctional!) or you might notice a recent change in your emotional or physical sense of sexual arousal or desire.
Pain with Penetration: Sometimes called dyspareunia, but I would also include unwanted pain with anal penetration in this category.
Difficulty with Orgasm or Sexual Satisfaction: Inability to achieve orgasm, delayed orgasm, or feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled with your sexual experiences whether orgasm is the goal or not (hint - it doesn’t always have to be!).
Premature Ejaculation: Ejaculating sooner than desired.
Erectile Dysfunction (ED): Difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection.
If you've been experiencing any of these issues consistently, sex therapy can help identify underlying causes (which can be physical, psychological, or relational) and develop strategies to help you have more fulfilling sexual experiences, as defined by you. It’s important to note that none of these issues are inherently problems - if you don’t orgasm or don’t desire sex, and don’t want to, that’s okay too! But, if any of these issues feel like a distressing change or if they are getting in the way of your desired sex life, then sex therapy could be a helpful treatment option.
2. You Feel Disconnected or Unsatisfied in Your Sexual Relationships
Sexual and physical intimacy might be an important component of your romantic relationships. If you and your partner feel out of sync sexually, or if one or both of you are consistently feeling unsatisfied, it can lead to frustration, avoidance, and a general feeling of disconnection. Couples sex therapy can provide tools for improving communication, understanding each other's needs, and rekindling intimacy.
3. You're Struggling with Harmful Internalized Messages
There are many ways that society, culture, family, and community shape our beliefs about our bodies and sexuality. Struggling with negative body image, internalized negativity about your sexuality, what turns you on, or gender can significantly impact your enjoyment of sex. These feelings may have grown from past experiences, societal, and familial pressures. Affirming sex therapy can help you understand where these beliefs came from and support you in identifying your own values so that you can develop a healthier relationship with your body and have more fulfilling sexual experiences.
4. You're Dealing with the Aftermath of Sexual Trauma
Experiences of sexual trauma can have a long-lasting impact on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to sex. Signs and symptoms of sexual trauma can include:
Intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, or feeling like you are re-experiencing the traumatic event.
Avoiding internal (thoughts, feelings, images) and/or external (people, places, situations) reminders of the event.
Negative changes in your mood (feelings of shame, guild, or fear), beliefs (about yourself, others, the world, or your future), and cognition (how your brain feels, such as increased difficulty concentrating or making decisions)
Increased sensitivity and physiological reaction to the world around you. This can look like feeling easily startled, more irritable, feeling constantly on guard, or having difficulty sleeping.
Trauma-informed sex therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment to process past experiences, increase your understanding of the connection between our mind and body, develop new coping strategies, sometimes redefine what you want in your sexual experiences, and reclaim your body and sexuality.
5. You and Your Partner Have Differing Sexual Desires
It's very common for sexual partners to have different sexual arousal and response patterns. This can sometimes look like different levels of desire. For example, one partner seems to want sex spontaneously all the time while the other is rarely thinking about sex. While desire discrepancies are not inherently problematic, this dynamic can become a source of conflict when it is not understood and addressed effectively. In my practice, I often see one partner feeling rejected and the other feeling misunderstood. Sex therapy can help couples understand the underlying causes and behavioral patterns around this dynamic and more efficiently navigate these differences. Together, you can discover new strategies to meet both of your needs.
6. You're Having Trouble Talking About Sex
Open and honest communication about sex is crucial for a healthy sexual relationship. Maybe you feel that you have a clear sense of what you want in your sexual relationships but are feeling frustrated when the communication breaks down with your partner. If you find it difficult to talk to your partner about your desires, concerns, or boundaries, sex therapy can teach you and your partner effective communication skills and create a space where these conversations can happen safely and productively.
7. You're Curious About Exploring Your Sexuality
Sex therapy isn't just for addressing problems; it can also be a valuable resource for individuals or couples who want to explore their sexuality more deeply, expand their sexual repertoire, or simply gain a better understanding of their own sexual preferences and desires. Sex therapy can be an empowering journey of self-discovery and growth that creates a positive ripple effect into the rest of your life and relationships.
What to Expect in Sex Therapy
Sex therapy is talk therapy that focuses on discussing your sexual concerns and experiences in a supportive and non-judgmental environment with a trained professional. If you were raised in a US context - it can be super weird and uncomfortable to talk about sex! It’s okay to feel nervous, awkward, and vulnerable. These feelings can be shared and addressed as you build a relationship with your therapist.
In my practice, establishing a safe and nonjudgmental environment for us to build a therapeutic relationship is the first step. Then, I provide psychoeducation about sex and sexual health (the sex ed we got as teens usually doesn’t cut it!) and do a lot of myth busting and confronting systemic stigma and shame around our bodies and sex. As we get to understand your sexual concerns, there might be exercises or communication techniques for you and/or your partner to practice at home. Like most behavioral psychotherapy, in between session reflection and practice is key to increasing our understanding of the underlying emotional or psychological factors impacting your sexual well-being.
Finding the Right Sex Therapist for You
When seeking a sex therapist, look for a licensed mental health professional with specialized training in sex therapy. Additionally, look for someone that affirms your identities and has experience with your specific sexual concern. Therapists are first and foremost people who have swam in the same waters that inform all of our implicit biases. Not all therapists are comfortable talking about sex, and even sex therapists can have their own blind spots or areas of discomfort around different types of sex and relationship structures. You deserve a sex therapist that affirms all of you! If their materials do not specifically mention your sexuality or sexual practices, take advantage of their free consultation and ask them about their level of experience with your specific concern.
If any of the above signs resonate with you, sex therapy could be a positive step toward improving your sexual health, satisfaction, and overall well-being.
Schedule Your Consultation
Taking the first step towards a more fulfilling and pleasurable sex life can feel intimidating, because it's a powerful act of self-care! I invite you to schedule a free 30-minute consultation to discuss your needs and explore how sex therapy can support you. Complete a contact form to get started. I offer virtual therapy services in 40+ PSYPACT states. I can’t wait to meet you!
